Dear Jim,
Thanks for your unsolicited commercial email regarding the opportunity
to work at Microsoft, an email which would now cost you a hefty fine
and possible jail term under the US CAN-SPAM act. I'm sorry to tell
you that I cannot take up your 'generous' offer, as I am busy in my
new role as a Patagonian Prune Fisherman. However, I would like to
ask you to fill in this short survey I'm doing to see what kind of
recruiter you are. Keep in mind while you fill this in that I may or
may not be bothered to tell your supervisors about your lackadasical
and slip-shod approach to recruitment. Still, we all like a laugh, eh?
- What is your current address, and do you like living there?
- What is your favourite colour?
- How would you solve the four-colour problem? Your solution must
be better than the
Haken and
Appel proof.
- Do you do any research on people you're emailing about working for
Microsoft? If so, what kind? Be specific.
- What is your dream job? (N.B. Incorrect answers will be penalised
harshly.)
- You and a party of four people need to walk up a narrow path at
night-time using only a single torch. You would take one minute to
traverse the distance, your younger sister takes two minutes, your
elder brother takes five minutes, and Bill Gates takes ten minutes.
No more than two people can walk on the path at any one time and they
need the torch to traverse it. What is the quickest time to get everyone
to the other side, and how?
[1]
- What's your current average and maximum words-per-minute speed
typing on QWERTY, DVORAK, left-handed DVORAK and right-handed DVORAK
keyboards?
- Is there anyone of your friends, co-workers, superiors or lackeys
that you would consider recommending for the slave trade? If so, please
give names and addresses and known locations where we can pick them up.
We offer a reasonable bounty per head.
- What is your passport number, full name, date of birth and country
most recently visited? Was it nice there?
- Please give me a copy of your most recent CV and current salary.
- What do you think you could contribute to the Open Source Initiative
or Free Software Foundation? Please do not include inside information
on Microsoft code and protocols - we prefer the challenge.
- How long have you worked at Microsoft? How long do you expect to
work there?
-
Have fun,
Paul
[1]: For people who recognise
this old chestnut, the answer is of course that Bill Gates calls up his
private helicopter that takes you all to the other side in four minutes.
